When looking for someone to settle down with, there are some traits that we should look out for. I am certain that no one wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who is going to make them miserable forever. There are specific forms of behavior that scream, “It’s time to leave.”
Here are ten characters that will alert you that he is not husband material.
1. He is disrespectful
As much as a man desires that you respect him, he should be able to give back the same respect to you. Your boyfriend can be disrespectful in many ways and some times you might choose to ignore these, saying he’s just being a boy (boys will be boys).
But if you ever notice things like; he never lets you have a say in case of a disagreement, he always tries to convince you to choose his opinion, he makes jokes about things that are personal to you (just to make his friends laugh) or spanks you in public (or in front of family members), then it’s time to leave. All the above are extreme signs of disrespect and a man who truly cares for you would never treat you like that.
2. He is irresponsible
This type of man can’t do anything on his own. If you find piles of trash, dirty laundry, undone dishes or any other basic house chores someone should be able to do on their own undone, that’s a huge red flag. A man who is ready to settle is one who understands the need for self comfort first. He should be able to do everything on his own without the help of a woman.
So, if he is the type that is comfortable in an untidy place, he’s probably not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Chances are, if you move in with him, you might have to do all the house chores by yourself, yet it should be divided responsibility. If you find yourself feeling like his mother, rather than his partner, then it’s time to back those bags girl. A man who can’t take care of his own mess is just refined headache.
3. He invades your privacy
There are things about your life that you probably never want to be known by anyone, not even your mother and you’re happy to keep it that way. Having a sense of privacy in a relationship and feeling like it is treated with uttermost respect, brings so much peace of mind.
There is nothing vexing like having a partner who is always snooping around your old Facebook posts or your text messages. Trust is the foundation of a relationship and if you don’t trust someone there’s simply no reason for you to be with them.
4. He has an excuse for everything
This is a man who never takes responsibility for his actions. Whenever something goes wrong, he finds a way to blame you or blame someone or something else. It’s never his fault and he knows he is always right. If you realize that this is the kind of man you’re dating, my sister, run for your life. You don’t want to spend the rest of your days taking shots for someone who can never take one bullet for you.
5. He is holding you back
For a relationship to grow, you both need to help each other grow as individual. You need to support your partner to achieve their goals and dreams. A partner who doesn’t show concern about your future aspirations is one who is absent minded; he doesn’t pay much attention to what you tell him.
Your partner should encourage you, celebrate your small wins and not undermine them. Small progress is better than no progress at all. So, if your boyfriend is always making you feel like you’re not good at what you do and belittles your achievements, he is not the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
6. He is possessive and extremely jealous
A drop of jealousy won’t hurt, in fact it might be good for the relationship. Besides, it’s part of being human to get jealous when you see someone you love with another person. But there is a difference between healthy jealousy and destructive jealousy.
A man who commands you to stay away from all your male friends, stops you from visiting and hanging out with your girls is not for keeps. This kind of jealousy can boil to an extent where he causes harm to you or to the people around you. So if you notice that your boyfriend has unhealthy jealousy, end things in the politest way you can.
7. His core values aren’t in line with yours
Dating someone whose core beliefs are far much different from yours can be really tough. Personally I am a believer, and my faith is one of the most important things to me. I once dated a guy who didn’t pay much attention to faith related activities and it kept dragging me down, till I just had to let go.
We all have those beliefs, goals, or activities we hold dear and if we’re in love, we’d like to enjoy or experience them with our partners. If your partner does not agree with any of the things that are important to you, maybe it’s time to let it go. If you don’t drink and your boyfriend keeps encouraging you to drink, that’s a big red flag. It shows that he does not value your beliefs and has no respect for you at all.
8. He makes you feel like you should be someone else
One of the most important things for a relationship to last is the ability to be yourself. If your partner always suggests that you do some things that are out of your usual self, just to please him, then something might be wrong.
For example. If your boyfriend likes that you wear make up every time, yet it’s not your thing, he’s indirectly forcing you to be someone you’re not. If it’s okay with you and you’re happy, well and good. But if it starts to feel like a requirement for the relationship to hold, then it’s never going to work, because you’re doing something you’re not comfortable with.
How long can you keep up being someone else for the person you love? Eventually, you will get frustrated. So end it while it’s still early.
9. He is abusive
No matter the form, abuse is unacceptable and should never be something you settle for. Whether physical, emotional or psychological, never let yourself become comfortable with abuse.
If a man always shouts at you, calls you names, or even hurls things at you, it’s no longer safe to stay in that relationship. A person who has deep concern for you would never be abusive.
It’s okay get angry sometimes, but if he keeps exhibiting the same explosive behavior, then you need to leave. Your physical and mental health matter more than you can imagine.
10. He body shames you
People occasionally lose and gain weight, it’s completely normal. If you gain some weight, it’s okay. If you like it, you can keep it, and if you feel like it’s too much you can lose some. No one should ever lie to you that a person will lose or gain weight and not feel it themselves. Most times we just don’t want to accept it, because it makes us uncomfortable.
If your partner ever says, “You look fat, you need to lose weight.” That is pure body shaming. You might not realize it but after a few days you will realize that you can’t stop thinking about that statement. That is your mental health being abused.
There are a hundred ways your partner could use to tell you that you have gained some weight, and also politely advise how you can lose some of it. To make you feel much comfortable, he might suggest that you both go to the gym or start home exercises. But if a man calls you fat and shows no signs of helping, he might be starting to get disgusted by your current body size.
Body weight is a very sensitive topic, especially to us ladies. Therefore, I’d suggest to watch what your man will do after saying that you have gained weight. If he makes and effort to help you achieve better fitness goals, keep him, if he doesn’t you might want to rethink staying with him.
We have finally come to the end of our list and I hope that you learnt a thing or two. I keep compiling these lists for you because your are gems and you deserve only the best.
For The Rising Woman!