Disclaimer: I have written this article from my point of view of things, feel free to agree or disagree.
I recently experienced a heart break. It’s definitely not my first. You’d think it would hurt less, but no, still hurts like every other heart break. But I believe, with each heart break, either comes more coldness, maturity or lessons. We are all different, you could choose to hold on to the anger, pain, and all the ugly stuff, or just grow through it, accept it and embrace it. I have chosen the latter, believe me, it hurts less.
So what’s this about manifestations of love? As a woman/girl, (you can refer to me as what makes you the happiest), I believe we create certain expectations about love, at a certain age. During the first days of my heart break, I felt so lonely, unwanted, unloved, small, less appreciated and all those relatable feelings you can think about. But that was just because of one person, a man.
Here’s the thing, I just graduated last month with Bachelors of Business Statistics. Not the coolest course, but if you’ve been to Makerere University Business School (MUBS), when someone says they’re doing Bstat, you’re like “damn girl!” At least, that was most people’s reaction when I said I did Bstat. I know students in MUBS cry over Quantitative Methods (QM) and other Maths course units but to us it was like the basics because I think our course is ninety percent calculations.
So, I’m a whole Bstat graduate, my parents are super proud. I have my own business, and I do a lot of work to get that baby moving. I study, research, invest, create, edit, publish, distribute, re-plan, re-model… I do a lot, really. I should say I’m hard working, oh yes, I’ll give myself credit cause this is my blog.
I have parents, siblings, friends, my best friend Amanda. I can’t believe I’m writing this. I have issues getting attached to people, Amanda knows that. Amanda you are my best friend, I’m saying this with my chest, I’m super thankful for you.
See I have all these amazing people around me, they love me; they have been checking on me when I was really ill the last couple of days. And man, God. God has revealed Himself in so many ways to me the last few months, it’s been such a wonderful to experience.
I’m saying, I have love; I am loved. But in that moment of pain, I disregarded all these other manifestations of love, just because I did not receive it from one avenue I wanted it to come from. That’s unfair to all the other people who care about me, I know, I’m sorry, guys.
But you see the thing with pain is that, it crowds up your heart and you just want to cry and be alone, and beat yourself up, blame yourself and do all these crazy things you can think of in that moment. Pain is a powerful emotion, and it can drive you to the stupidest decisions.Joy Akatukunda
I’m not blaming you. You have every right to feel and express this emotion. Grieve, let it out, do what you have to do. But when you’re done, appreciate the other ways love manifests itself to you. From your mom, dad, guardian or any relative, friend, sister, brother, colleague, work mate, name it.
Just because one person did not love you the way you wanted or expected, does not mean no one else loves you. I earlier mentioned the thing about girls expecting certain things at a certain age. I mean, there’s that annoying pressure on you when school is done. Every Senga and Jajja wants to know what’s up. “Owaaye omuko aliwa?” “Omuko ajja ddi?”
Guys please, we don’t need this. Anyway, this also forces us to be in a position where we expect that the next guy who comes around should be the one… It’s gonna get serious, he’ll propose and you’ll get married bla bla bla…. I’m not even when lying when I say that once a girl falls in love, they fantasize about this stuff with that guy in mind. Clowns!! Before you point fingers, I know I’m one of the clowns.
But here’s the good stuff, I hope and pray that this, one of my many coping mechanisms, helps you.
I want you to write a list of five (could be two or three) people that are always by your side whenever you feel like crap and you hate yourself. I call it The List Of Love. Pin these names of people who love you and you can always run to, on your desktop, phone home screen, the wall in your bedroom, or in your journal, but I prefer a place you can see all the time.
Whenever you feel unloved, look at that list. Text one of them or all of them at once. Try to talk, I believe you will feel much better. I mean, for me, I might not call or text them because usually when I see God at the top of the list, I smile through my teary face and know that guy got me, so I rarely text the other people on my list.
Having Jesus at the top of my list, somehow makes everything better. I have a lot of faith, which I did not build in a single day, so that might not work for each one of you. But I encourage you to be strong, believe in love, good people and good things. I mean, what’s life if we don’t hope for good things.
I applaud you for surviving, and fighting, keep fighting the good fight. I’m praying for you and hoping for the best for you. May God bless you.
Ps: If you loved this, please leave me a comment below.